A Day in the Life of Sirius Black
by angelriseng85
Summary: My name is Sirius Black and I am in detention. It's all because of that sleazy, greasy, hook-nosed, son-of-a...Well. I'm getting a little ahead of myself there." Sirius Black: Cocky and exceedingly handsome. What's not to love? MWPP Era, one-shot.


_My name is Sirius Black and I am in detention. It's all because of that sleazy, greasy, hook-nosed, son-of-a..._

_Well. I'm getting a little ahead of myself there._

_It all started when...Okay, that's just stupid sounding._

_But what do I have to lose?_

_It all started when I didn't get to take my shower this morning. I know, it sounds stupid, but it's true! I like being clean in the morning. Kinda wakes me up, you know?_

_Anyway._

"Sirius! Get out of the bathroom! You know you're supposed to go last!" James yelled as he pounded on the door. "Sirius!"

"Yeah?" I said lazily, opening the door a crack. "So what if I wanted to go first this morning? I haven't even taken my shower yet!"

James sighed, exasperated. "You take the longest, so you're last! I take the shortest amount of time, so I'm first! It makes perfect sense!"

"Uh huh. Right." I shut the door in his face.

"Sirius, mate, don't make me blow the door down. I really don't want to do that. You know how important privacy is to everyone, and I'm speaking for all of us guys up here."

There was a chorus of "yeah"'s from the other side of the door.

I groaned. There was no use in showering, then getting blasted by some sort of foul muck as revenge the moment I stepped foot outside the bathroom. If I didn't get out of there fast, James really would destroy the door. He's that kind of a person, spur-of-the-moment-mad. But still, you've gotta love him for that. (At least, Lily does.)

I opened the door and stepped out, still fully clothed.

"There. You've got your bloody bathroom." I flung my clean towel at James. "Use this. I'm taking yours."

I always do this. Everyone knows James has the best towels. He swears that his mum sends them by owl, but we all know he gets them from some Muggle spa. I mean, really. If you're going to lie, make sure there's no evidence. The name of the spa is still stitched on the towels! Merlin.

Two hours later, and I still hadn't had my turn.

That may not seem like a long time, but it is. When you've got to wait two hours for a load of grumpy dorm-mates to shower, you'll understand.

"Oy, Peter! Hurry up in there!" I slammed my fist against the door. "PETER! CLASS IS ABOUT TO START!"

Peter almost takes as long as me in the bathroom, not because he's got any good looks to enhance, but because he's rather thick. I swear, the boy wouldn't know to shut off the tap if he wasn't told to.

"_PETER_!"

No answer.

"I've. Got. To. Shower!" I shouted, enunciating each word by kicking the door. "Open up!"

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the door opened.

I glanced quickly at my watch.

Class would start in three minutes.

"Peter, you idiot! We're going to be late! Come on!" I yanked my suprised friend out of the bathroom and pulled him down the stairs.

"But Sirius, I haven't any clothes on!" Peter moaned, as we stepped into the empty common room.

Disgusted, I froze in my tracks and released my grip on his wrist, shutting my eyes tightly. Thank God I hadn't seen anything...

"Put some clothes on, then. But you'll just be late to class!"

Before Peter could answer, I dashed out of the common room and down the corridor.

I raced down to the dungeons, not wanting to be late for Potions.

SMACK.

I fell, landing on my back.

Looking up, I saw a pair of glittering black eyes, disgustingly dirty-looking black hair, and a malicious smirk.

Snape.

"Watch where you're going, Snivellus!" I snarled.

Getting up and brushing past him, I walked hurriedly to the dungeon's door, but what Snape said to me made me stop.

"I heard you were so anxious to get in the shower this morning, you got in there with Pettigrew," Snape said with a sneer. "Didn't know you were like that, Black."

I turned around slowly.

Don't say anything, Sirius, I coached myself silently. Don't say anything. Just walk into class.

"Thought you were straight, Black. Guess I was wrong." Snape grinned evilly, waiting for my reaction.

Just so you know, I'm straight. I'm very possibly the straightest guy that ever lived. I don't like guys, I've never liked guys, I never will like guys. That said, I think you understand what I do like.

So Snivellus wanted a reaction? He'd get one.

After taking a few quick strides, I stood face-to-face with Snape. Not that I wanted to. Nobody, I mean, nobody wants to find themselves that close to such a despicable turd. Nobody.

But I had my sexual orientation and my pride to defend.

"What're you planning to do to me, Black? Curse me?" he laughed harshly.

Actually, Snape's "harsh" laugh is about as harsh as an ass braying. Harsh. Yeah, right.

I raised an eyebrow at him. Since when had that slimy git learned to be so cocky? I'd just have to teach him a lesson, then.

"Curse you? Nah." I grinned manically. "I was just planning on hexing the shit out of you, that's all." And before Snape could crack another snide remark, I raised my wand and blasted him off his feet.

"_BLACK! WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?_"Professor Adder screeched.

I looked up to see my Potions professor barreling towards me.

Apparently, she'd heard the commotion.

James, Remus, and a few other students' heads poked out of the doorway. Peter, however, was nowhere to be found. I guess he was still in the dorm, trying to figure out how to put on his shirt.

I was treated to an hour-long lecture by not one, but two professors. Adder berated me for attacking Snape all the way to the Headmaster's office, levitating an unconcious and bleeding Snape behind her. Then, she left me to McGonagall.

_I have detention in various places for three months! THREE MONTHS! Merlin, that woman is tough...But at least Dumbledore didn't yell. That would've been pure hell._

_So, here I am in detention._

_Oh, and as for Snape?_

_Well, he'll be joining me in here as soon as Madame Pomfrey reattaches his left foot._


End file.
